Twitter’s Gurus, Masters and Other Douchebags Parade

Twitter Angry and RagedComprehensive knowledge is negligent, proven experience is no more than trifling, reliable education is almost completely absent, befitting aptitude has never really existent and sterling expertise be damned! All those stuff are just pesky matters! Who needs them if you can bluntly upright proclaim yourself “guru,” “master” or “expert?”

You know how in the past people studied a subject really exhaustively or exercised a practice extensively or have had a rich irrefutable resume? Well, we don’t need those onerous allegedly-creditable stuff anymore! In our times, any inapt inexperienced imbecile (the three holy I’s) can attest anything!

This is why we have on Twitter over 18,000 “gurus,” nearly 20,000 “evangelist” and about 22,000 “mavens” just as we have entered 2013. And if you believe that most (or let’s just say a large portion) of those social media geniuses that have suddenly popped abruptly in recent years are plainly the result of the human race’s incremental intellect, perhaps you should glance at some of these majestic figures.

Let’s have a brief gaze on those who have established their authority by themselves. Here are some of Twitter’s top Gurus, Masters and Experts:

@NoteTakingNerd- Two dipshits (Dexter Abraham and Lewis LaLanne) that recommends on other dipshits’ products for affiliate commissions. Way to go you “Most Respected Business & LIfe Guru’s” you!

@JonathanMizel- An “Old-school guru” that would show you how to lose all of your money “using the insanely profitable [for Mizel] Mizel Method!”

@JohnOndercin- This guy is so the “stock market trading guru” that he wants to sell you his “strategies” and “steps” so you would retire early (as a consequence of investment loss heart attack).

@DearTellman- The ultimate “Internet Marketing Guru” that would educate you how to become an Internet Marketing Guru so you could educate others how to become Internet Marketing Gurus so their children could suffer as well from famine.

@GaryLoper- Gary Loper has “Master The Twitterverse” and he is enthusiastic to assist each and every one of you in becoming your best! You merely need to pay him preposterous sums for preposterous services or click on his affiliate links.

@TSignorello- Thomas Signorello is the “Social Media Master” which will definitely make your miserable lives better with supernatural products such as Beach Money (like being on the beach and make money) and TheLinkedInfluencer (like improving your influence on LinkedIn or something).

@AndyHussong- Andy Hussong is a “JV Attraction Expert” which means he’s the best at… umm… the number one at… ammm… the most super-duper… hey, Just click on his affiliate links and buy those stupid things!

@MikeFilsaime- Douchebagness expert extraordinaire.

@AlexMandossian- Alex Mandossian is a marketing expert for “family-centered entrepreneurs.” It means that he will take your family-centered money and spend it on his own balls-centered pleasures.

@JoePolish- Joe Polish is the Expert and Genius behind Piranha Marketing which, just like a piranha, has an unscrupulously voracious appetite for your meat.

If by any chance you encounter any of those social media missionaries and you debate if they are real as they affirms, just watch the following video that is pretty much congruent to all of them.