Orwellian Belgian Waffle

Herbalife- The Big Brother is watching you!“That waffle country decided that Herbalife might not be entirely illegal! Triumph!” says Herbalife about Herbalife regarding a Belgian Appeal Court ruling which only Herbalife seems to witness and only Herbalife has.

Does Herbalife lie about the authenticity of the Belgian verdict? Naah … that would have been pretty deceitfully insane (and quite suicidal), even for one of the greatest fraud companies in history. However, this 1984-style control of information press release smells a whole lot like one very fishy shake.

Herbalife claims that the original (awesome) judgment which deemed the company as a pyramid scheme had “contained factual errors” … but in a typical Newspeak maneuver, Herbalife doesn’t clarify what oh what in The Big Brother’s name does it actually mean.

Belgium is responsible for essentially zilch of Herbalife’s total revenue (/loot) and therefore the company’s ban was chiefly only symbolic. Under these circumstances, the actual missing full context of the Belgian Appeal Court is pretty much … everything and anything.

“Everything faded away into a shadow-world in which, finally, even the date of the year had become uncertain.”

Did Belgium compel Herbalife to change its MLM business model in the country? Did Herbalife commit to a minimum quota of retail sales in Belgium somehow? Did the Belgian Appeal Court condition its decision upon any particular terms? Or perhaps was it just good old fashion multi-million lawyerish cunning? Ask me how … and you shall receive no answer.

The Wall Street pigs, though, don’t care too much about some stupid questions … or about the suffering of millions. These geriatric oinkers only care about green bulls or red bears (and if you don’t understand this economical reference, please don’t look it up because it’s boring). An opaque statement to boost their crime-investment is exactly the kind of slop they like.

In the meantime, Inner Party’s Michael Johnson continues to pee on the SEC

Mr. Johnson’s assertion that Herbalife is not a pyramid scheme is at best a guess. The honest truth is he simply doesn’t know.

How could he possibly know without retail sales data?

Herbalife still staunchly refuses to collect/disclose the data of its retail sales. Proclaiming that a company is legitimate without those stats would sorta be like nonsensically waving your hands in front of the whole world, pretending you are a sign language interpreter.

But hey, you can always count on Herbalife to find exciting new markets for expansion just in case …

Herbalife Ltd. (HLF), a global nutrition company, is pleased to announce that it will begin operations in Cambodia, effective November 1st, 2013. A distribution center where independent distributors can pick up and order products will open in the capital city of Phnom Penh.

Yeah, I’m sure that the average Cambodian who earns less than $65 a month would be so merry and mirthful to recruit more distributors to sell the Formula 1 Healthy Meal Nutritional Shake Mix for $35 to other distributors. Somebody got to fuel the pyramid.

I just hope that the Belgians will take a short break from all the waffles and chocolate, and will publish the entire original legal documents already … because I’m quite positive we won’t get the whole truth from no fucking O’Brien.