Julian Assange Aims for the So Totally Most Beautiful Senator Ever

Julian Assange WantsSenator Julian Assange… that’s just the thing Julian Assange likes to tell Julian Assange every day while he’s in the shower in the Ecuadorian embassy in London, as he touches his most favorite person on this world and almost definitely also on the next.

Yep, our good egocentric not-friend (narcissists mostly tend to befriend only with themselves) is running for the Australian Senate! Victory in Victoria! He’s already humming to himself as he softly brushes the soap against his wan body, The triumph of the sorely handsome Senator Assange!

And why the hell not? He already wields his own personal efficacious propaganda machine called “WikiLeaks,” fooling almost everybody to believe that it is a secure destination to leak confidential documents to. And if people bought that kind of baloney, why wouldn’t they vote for him?

Julian Assange GazesNobody will stand in your way Senator Assange! He mutters as he strokes his flabby muscles. There was this one kid who attempted to steal his Internet savior spotlight by killing himself (that selfish prick!), so Julian had to sacrifice his remembrance for Julian. Oh, and it was quite nicely done, elegant Senator…

And of course there’s this movie which will be released in the end of the year and just might not reflect so well on the future comely Senator. C’mon Hollywood! Benedict Cumberbatch?! Julian knows that Julian worth at least a Johnny Depp or a Brad Pitt and if they aren’t affordable for the studio then maybe (just maybe!) a Matt Damon.

So no one can blame Julian for uttering spoilers for this accursed movie! You did good there fine Senator, he murmurs while his hands dandle his luscious snowy hair, Cumberbatch should have kept playing English detectives or whatever.

Julian also fathoms that when (not if!) Julian will become a Senator another upside is of course this diplomatic immunity thing. Finally Julian would get rid of this bloody Interpol which still persecutes Julian just because Julian leaked some Julian into girls that didn’t want to be enJulianed.

First, a mere personable Senator… thereafter the resplendent President of…